Learning to love yourself, especially when you’re in a state of hating who you are, is tough. Some people go through life with this self-hatred, and it translates to poor self-confidence and sadness. If you’re reading this article, you realize that loving yourself is necessary to live your best life!
People from all walks of life struggle with self-love. You deserve to be a part of the lucky few who sees their own beauty!
In this post, I give you the ultimate formula you need to implement in your life to realize the true beauty that is you. You will learn how to love yourself and get to know yourself. You’re pretty cool, you know.
This post contains:
Your Past Self: Learning to Love Yourself Before
Right Here, Right Now: Loving Yourself in the Day-to-Day
Thinking of the Future: Preparing to Love Yourself After Today
Let’s get going!
How to Like Your Past Self
Sometimes, the things you go through can prevent you from loving yourself today. That’s why it’s important to address the negative events from your past so you can move on. Here are a few important steps you need to take to learn to love your past self:
This is easier said than done, but it has to be done in order for you to move on. It’s totally normal to hold onto mistakes we’ve made in the past and blame ourselves for bad things. You are human!
However, there comes a time where you have to make peace with those choices. Moving on is important to love yourself.
To move on, ask yourself: Did I learn a lesson from the mistakes I’ve made?
If you’ve learnt a lesson, there’s a silver lining! The goal here is to look at any positives that come from making those mistakes. It’s easier to forgive yourself when you realize that something good came out of it.
Address any childhood trauma or traumatic events in adulthood.
A lot of the times, people think that “trauma” refers to extremely serious events, like surviving a genocide or being locked in a cage for years. I mean, that’s trauma for sure, but smaller life events can definitely be classified as trauma.
If you’re not sure if something you’ve experienced is trauma, here is a list of things people have to heal from:
Using religion to make you feel guilty
Having to deal with major health issues at a young age
Growing up in a violent neighbourhood or even in your own home
Someone close to you dying in a violent way (ex. suicide, fire)
Losing your home due to money issues or a fire
The point is, if you think about it often and it causes you distress, it might be a trauma you need to face. In that case, working with a mental health professional is such a good way to start healing from what you’ve been through.
These two points should help you learn to love yourself and forgive your past.
Cry if you want to.
You might have had someone tell you not to cry, or that showing your emotions is weak. Let me tell you right now: bottling everything up is so bad for you and your health!
Take some time to really think about bad things in your life, or something that stresses you out. Cry if you feel sad.
Crying actually helps you self-soothe and helps you release toxins from your body. These are good ways to handle sadness and stress associated with learning to love yourself.
Trust me, you will feel so much better when you release those pent up emotions!
How to Love Yourself Today
Now that you have forgiven your past self, it’s time to focus on learning to love yourself today. You’re a different person than who you used to be, so there’s lots of work to do!
Love yourself with some self-care.
Taking care of your physical and mental state is a basic step you can take to start loving yourself. Self-care not only takes care of your hygiene, but also your mental health!
I highly recommend you take some time to yourself to make sure that your basic needs are taken care of. We can get swept into taking care of other people, to the detriment of ourselves. Be a little selfish!
Mindfulness is the act of being in the moment. It helps you focus on the present and avoid spiraling in a loop of self-hatred!
So, how do you start being mindful? Use your senses!
Notice how you feel right now. Notice what’s around you. By focusing on what’s in the moment, you’re not focusing on the past or self-deprecating feelings.
Eventually, being mindful will help you develop a strong sense of self, because you know exactly how you feel!
Know when to stop.
Sometimes, quitting will save your mental health from deteriorating. A lot of the time, it can be difficult to start loving yourself when all you do is focus on other people!
It can be difficult to learn how to say “no”, but you’ll be saving yourself from a lot of stress by using it more often.
A true form of self-love is protecting yourself before you focus on other people.
Stop the negative self-talk.
Negative self-talk is that horrible voice inside your head that quite literally bullies you. It’s the one that tells you that you look fat in that dress, or that you’re too stupid to do something.
Having that voice inside your head as you try to learn how to love yourself is going to make that process so much harder. You need to shut that voice up! Here are a few ways that you can do that:
Repeat positive affirmations out loud. That negative voice inside your head is really loud, so sometimes you’ll have to use your actual voice to tune it out!
Every time you have a negative thought, think of a positive thought to cancel it out. Eventually, your brain will make positive thoughts by itself!
Challenging your inner bully is extremely important to start your journey of loving yourself.
Learn to Love Yourself in the Future: Preparing for the Next Step
The journey doesn’t stop now! As you get older, you’ll encounter new challenges that will make it harder for you to keep loving yourself. That’s why it’s best that you develop the strategies to prevent that from happening.
Find your purpose.
If I asked you what you were put on this Earth to do, would you have an answer? If not, it’s time to do some soul-searching.
Keep in mind that you can have many purposes in your life. It could be what you do at your job, how you make people feel or how you help others. Either way, there’s a reason that you’re here.
Take as much time as you need to come up with an answer. However, once you do, loving yourself will be much easier!
Find out who you are.
You are a complex individual. You have your own likes, dislikes and values. To add to all of that, you evolve as a person, so your answers will change throughout the years!
Keep track of your personal evolution by journaling. You could be the type to write about your day, or you could use journal prompts to get into the groove. Here are a few prompts you could answer:
What could you talk about for hours?
Make a list of people who you know always have your back.
What values are important for your friends to have?
Are you a spiritual person? Describe what you believe in.
How do you recharge after a long day?
Describe your ideal life.
What are your biggest regrets in life?
What do you want to tell your younger self?
How do you deal with stressful situations?
What makes someone a good friend?
Ramble on about yourself! This way, you’ll be able to discover so many interesting things about you that you aren’t consciously aware of.
The people you surround yourself with can make or break your self-love journey!
Think about it: If you’re around people who always put you down, how are you supposed to focus on the positive aspects of yourself?
You deserve to have people who support you and your ambitions. It would be counterproductive to be around Negative Nancies because they prevent you from seeing your inner beauty.
If you’re unable to totally cut them off, you can simply distance yourself from negative people. Hang out with them less, take a little longer to reply to them, and do anything else to protect your sense of self.
Final Word: Self-Love is a Process
Learning how to love yourself can be a hard process, especially if you’ve spent so much time hating the skin you’re in.
I hope that these tips can help you in your journey of loving who you are, and seeing the beauty despite your flaws.