Breakups suck. However, they suck a little bit less if you know how to win the breakup.
Now, don’t get it twisted: it’s not a competition. We’re not about to bully your ex into submission (although you might want to). Winning the breakup is about more than getting revenge.
People think that winning the breakup is about who can jump into a relationship the faster or who can sleep with the most people. Wrong.
In this post, you’ll find out that to win the breakup, you need to work on personal growth, moving on for good and preserving your dignity.
Let’s get moving!
How to Win the Breakup: The Key Steps to Win a Breakup
Keep an open mind as you learn how to win a breakup. It might suck that you have to be the bigger person in a lot of cases, but you’ll be so happy that you took the high road.
With that being said, let’s jump into the tips!
Go No Contact
For the love of all that is holy, why do you still need to talk to your ex all the time? You’re constantly reminded of the relationship you used to have and can’t picture a life without them.
Stop calling them or going to meet up with them after everything is final. You can’t move on when you’re reminded of everything you used to have. Your ex is still in control of your heart because you always think of them.
If there isn’t a purpose to talking to them, like returning their things, don’t meet. Out of sight, out of mind.
Going no contact will give you a sense of control. You get to decide what you’re comfortable with. When you go no contact, you are:
Setting some strong boundaries with your ex;
Allowing yourself to picture a life without them;
Avoiding getting confused because your feelings are still there and you’re overanalyzing everything;
Starting a new chapter in your life that only you have control over.
Even if you see them at work or with common friends, the best thing you can do is keep the meetings to a minimum. It’s healing, and it shows that you have control. Winning a breakup is all about giving yourself a sense of control.
Get Some Closure to Win the Breakup
Closure is important for a lot of people to finally move on. There are lots of ways to get closure, and it all depends on what you’re comfortable with.
Here are some effective ways of getting closure on your past relationship:
Meet up with them. You know how I said that no contact is great? If you meet up with them with a purpose, like giving them their stuff back, you’ll get closure. Make sure that this meeting won’t start up a whole series of meetings. Closure happens with one coffee date.
Write them a letter. Sometimes, doing a brain dump is therapeutic. Write everything that you want to tell your ex on paper. Your feelings, your thoughts on little events in the relationship, whatever you want.
Then, rip it up.
It seriously works! You get all your feelings off your chest, and ripping the paper is great closure.
Go see a therapist. It took me one whole year to get over my ex, because nothing I did worked. In that case, seeing a therapist is the best course of action.
Not only will they validate your feelings, but they can give you tools to move on!
To win a breakup, it’s important that you take care of those lingering thoughts and feelings about your ex pronto. That way, you can focus on yourself!
Fix Your Social Media Presence
Most people that you know get their news from you via your social media accounts. They don’t see you every day, so your tweets and photos are only what they know!
You need to control the narrative in a good way to win a breakup. Be your own PR person, and be hyperaware of what you post on social media.
Restrict them on social media, or delete them.
Depending on how your relationship ended, your ex should have restricted access to your social media. You should also be aware that seeing them on your feed can upset you.
Fix that by unfriending them or restricting them (depending on what you’re comfortable with).
You want to feel free posting whatever you want.
If the breakup was amicable, you don’t have to do this, but a lot of people feel much better if they limit their ex’s social media presence.
Clear up your photos of them.
It can be a sore spot, I get it! Keeping up photos of you two can be a reminder of the old relationship. It can also bring back bad memories, depending on how your relationship was.
Avoid those memories and that pang of nostalgia and get rid of those photos. Now you can focus on posting photos of the new memories you’ll make!
Don’t be petty.
Want to know the easiest way to lose a breakup? Be petty.
If you want to win a breakup, don’t stoop to that level. That means, absolutely no:
Subtweeting about your ex
Writing several angry Facebook posts about your relationship, or any Facebook status about your ex
Thirst trap Instagram photos
Anyone can tell that you’re not over your ex if you pull stunts like that. Post normal content! You win a breakup by preserving your dignity.
Let’s think about the vicious cycle that is rebounds. When you’re still heartbroken and enter another relationship, you’re not fully invested in that new partner.
So, you two end up breaking up. Not only will you have even more heartbreak, but you’ll go and look for yet another relationship to try to heal.
See how it’s a vicious cycle?
You need to heal before you enter the dating game.
You are grieving, so don’t be afraid to cry.
Let yourself feel the pain of a breakup. It sucks! It’ll suck even more if you wait to heal.
You are grieving. Not only did you lose someone you really cared about, but you also have to say goodbye to the future you thought you had. It feels like a death.
Make sure that you get that grief properly out of your system.
Figure Out What Went Wrong
Unpopular opinion: You need to go over everything, and figure out your mistakes. If you hold yourself accountable, you can give yourself control over how your next relationship will go.
Figure out the red flags you missed.
In a lot of relationships, we miss red flags (warning signs) because we’re in that puppy love stage. Now that you’re out of that relationship, what warning signs did you miss that the relationship was going to go south?
Was there anything that made you uneasy that you dismissed?
Before you do anything, forgive yourself for missing the signs. Write a list of what you missed, and remember that you did the best you could.
After that, you won’t tolerate those things in your future relationships. How empowering!
Hold yourself accountable
Nobody’s perfect. To be a well-rounded person who is winning the breakup, you need to realize that you brought your own imperfections to the table. What are your red flags?
Think about the bad or maybe even toxic traits you have. Now that you’re aware of them, stop it. Research strategies to hold yourself accountable for those behaviours, and use them in your daily life!
Some examples of traits you want to improve are:
Being jealous in your relationship. It’s not good for your mental health, and you need to have trust in your relationship!
Having a hard time talking about your feelings. You should be able to be vulnerable with your partner, so this is a trait that you should work on.
Talking about yourself too much. A conversation works both ways, and both partners should be able to get a word in. Conversational narcissism is a no-no!
Comparing your partner to your exes. You might not realize that you’re doing it, but it can seriously hurt your partner! Keep your ex in the past.
Practice makes perfect! Personal growth is necessary when you want to win a breakup.
What lessons did you learn from this relationship?
Your relationship had a purpose, even if it ended in a breakup. Find the purpose of your relationship, and you can move on much faster.
Maybe your ex helped you come out of your shell, or got you to love your body. Whatever it is, find a lesson.
Do Some Soul-Searching
Who were you before this relationship? Changes are hard, but they bring lots of personal growth.
When you do soul-searching, reflect on who you are, what you value and how you’re feeling.
So, how do you do that? Well, there are lots of ways.
Spend time alone. You do the best reflecting when you’re by yourself and not distracted by anything else. Go take a walk in nature and reflect about yourself. What kind of person are you?
Spend time with people you love. How does spending time with people you love make you feel? Be aware of those feelings and what you like about each person.
Try new things. If something interests you, try it out! Now is the time to experiment with new hobbies, meet people and reconsider what isn’t working in your life right now.
The key to winning a breakup is to go through lots of personal growth. This is a great opportunity to blossom into a better version of yourself. Soul-searching is great for this!
Learn How to Be Single
Living your life as a single person is very different than living it in a relationship. I felt lost when I broke up with my ex, because I had only experienced adulthood in a relationship!
Winning a breakup involves navigating the single life. Spoiler alert: single life kind of rocks. You can do what you want, when you want!
Value your independence.
For a lot of us, we use our relationship as an excuse. We don’t go anywhere or experience anything different and blame it on being in a relationship.
It’s time to get out of your comfort zone!
You only have yourself to answer to. Take that class. Go for that promotion. You don’t have to “talk about it” with your partner before doing something.
Appreciate that being single is a time to get to know yourself like never before.
It’s scary, but so worth it.
Actually Move On to Win a Breakup
Now that you’re doing some personal growth and you’re dignified online, let’s talk about how you’re actually going to move on. When is the right time to start dating again? What do I do if I see my ex in public?
Stop Talking About Them
After a breakup, it’s normal to vent to your friends about your ex and reminisce about the relationship.
Eventually, you should stop doing that. Your ex becomes a memory, and you don’t talk about them as often. Why? Because there’s nothing left to say.
The opposite of love is not hate, it’s apathy. You win the breakup if you don’t care enough to keep bringing your ex up.
It’s okay to mention them in a conversation when it’s appropriate or relevant, but if you find yourself doing that too much, you need to catch yourself.
Be Civil if You See Them
Remember: Keep your dignity and you win the breakup. That means that you shouldn’t start a fight if you see your ex in public.
Now, what kind of behaviours are acceptable if you see your ex in public?
You’re allowed to ignore them.
If the breakup was painful for you or if you were in an abusive relationship, you are allowed to ignore them. Even if they try to get your attention, just a head nod or walking past them is a-ok.
This counts as being civil because you’re not harrassing or threatening them. You have control in this situation.
If you’re still friendly with your ex, just be civil! It’s as simple as that.
Conclusion: How to Win the Breakup? Glow Up.
The best kind of win is by glowing up. You’re in pain right now, but this is a great opportunity to grow as a person. The best people have been through lots of pain, because they grow as a result.